Why Mums Struggle to Celebrate Themselves—and How to Start

Why Do Mums Struggle to Feel Proud of Themselves?

I ran a session recently with a group of gorgeous new mums. When I asked the question

“What is one thing from this year that you’re proud of yourself for?”

– the room fell silent.

As mums, we often pour every ounce of our energy into raising our children and serving others. Yet when it comes to reflecting on what we’ve achieved, many of us draw a blank or dismiss our efforts. Why is it so hard to feel proud of ourselves?

One reason is societal messaging. Mothers are often praised for selflessness, but this leaves little room for celebrating personal wins. We downplay our contributions because they’re expected, or we very much focus on what we haven’t done rather than what we have.

Another factor is the mental load. Juggling endless to-do lists doesn’t leave much headspace for reflection. Most mums don’t have opportunity to finish a sentence or thought, let alone reflect on what they are proud of. And when we do pause, self-criticism tends to creep in—making it hard to see the positives. Or we start comparing ourselves to those around us and reflecting on the “shoulds” rather than the small wins.

A Real-Life Example: Grace’s Story

Take Grace, a mum of two who recently returned to work after maternity leave. She felt stretched thin, trying to balance the demands of her career and family. One evening, her toddler threw a tantrum over dinner, and Grace’s patience was zero by this stage of the  day. Grace caught herself spiraling into guilt, thinking, I should’ve been more patient. I should’ve handled that better.

Later that night, Grace’s friend (through a 10 min voicenote!) reminded her that she had:

• Prepped a healthy meal for her family.
• Managed a work meeting despite being up half the night with the baby.
• Found time to read a bedtime story to both kids, as well as all the other day-to-day things Grace managed that day both at home and work.

Grace paused. She’d been so focused on what went wrong that she hadn’t acknowledged what went right.

Tools to Support Self-Reflection

If you, like Grace, struggle to reflect on what you’re proud of, here are some simple tools to help:

1. Keep a “Proud Journal”: At the end of each day, jot down one thing you did well. It doesn’t need to be groundbreaking—it could be as small as folding a basket of laundry or making your baby laugh. Over time, you’ll build a collection of wins to look back on. Remember this tool isn’t about being creative, it’s about reflecting on what went well, not matter how small.
2. Ask for Perspective: Sometimes, we’re blind to our own achievements. Ask your partner, a friend, or a fellow mum what they’ve noticed about you recently. Their perspective might surprise you.
3. Set a Timer for Reflection: Carve out five quiet minutes during nap time or in the evening. Close your eyes and mentally replay your day. What moments made you feel good? What did you handle better than expected?
4. Flip the Script: When self-criticism creeps in, counter it with kindness. If you catch yourself saying, I’m not patient enough, ask yourself, What would I say to my best friend in this situation?
5. Celebrate in Community: Share your wins with a supportive group, a colleague in work, with a mum at the school gate or online community. Hearing others’ reflections can inspire your own.

“Do not look for the next big thing to make you proud. Look at the small, quiet moments—they’re the ones that matter most.”

Start Today

It’s not always easy, but reflecting on what you’re proud of is a gift you can give yourself—and your children. When they see you valuing your efforts, they’ll learn to value their own.

So, take a moment today. Look at your reflection in the mirror and say, You’re doing a good job, Mum. Because you are.

Hi, I’m Anne O’Leary, an executive coach, postpartum doula and mother of four. I work with individuals and employers to help parents integrate their work and life in a balanced way after they extend their family.

Whether you are heading back to work or back several months and would like support in navigating this transition, please feel free to get in touch.