Matrescence: Understanding the Transformation into Motherhood

When we talk about becoming a mother, we often focus on the excitement of welcoming a baby or the practicalities of preparing for a new arrival. Yet, hidden in plain sight is a profound transition that has long lacked recognition—a phase of life that has a name as complex and transformative as the experience itself: MATRESCENCE.

What is Matrescence?

Matrescence, derived from the Latin word “mater” (meaning mother), is the process of becoming a mother, akin to adolescence. It’s a developmental stage—a transitional period where a woman’s body, mind, and identity undergo profound shifts. This term, first coined in the 1970s by anthropologist Dana Raphael, acknowledges that motherhood is not just a role or a set of responsibilities but a major life transition with complex, often conflicting emotions and experiences.

In many ways, matrescence mirrors the turbulence of adolescence. Both are periods marked by intense hormonal shifts, changes in social roles, emotional upheaval, and identity evolution. Just as we support adolescents as they journey through the challenges of becoming adults, so too should we support women as they transition into motherhood.

Recognising and understanding matrescence can help mothers, and those around them, navigate this journey with empathy and awareness.

A fantastic read is “Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood”, by Lucy Jones, which is also available as an audiobook through spotify.

Why Understanding Matrescence Matters for Everyone

While matrescence is something mothers experience, understanding it is important for everyone. The journey into motherhood affects not just the mother but her entire family and community.

For partners, families, employers, friends, and healthcare professionals, and mothers themselves, recognising matrescence can help create a more supportive environment. This understanding fosters empathy, reduces judgment, and offers space for mothers to express both the joys and struggles of motherhood without shame.

For example, let’s consider a woman named, Aoife, who recently gave birth to her first child. She expected sleepless nights, ‘tough’ days, finding her feet and an overwhelming love for her newborn but was unprepared for the sense of loss she felt for her former life. Aoife struggles to reconcile her love for her baby with the feeling that she no longer recognises herself in the mirror anymore.

This inner conflict is a normal part of matrescence, yet society often pressures mothers to quickly adapt and stay positive, to “get on with it”,  leading to feelings of guilt and isolation.

By understanding matrescence, Aoife’s partner, family, and friends might better support her. They might validate her emotions, offer to help with tasks (without being told!), and refrain from suggesting that she “bounce back” or “enjoy every moment”—comments that only deepen her sense of disconnection. Within her workplace, when she returns, she feels seen and valued, on the tough days as well as the good days.

How to Support Yourself Through Matrescence

Navigating matrescence can feel like being tossed in a storm of emotions, but there are ways to ground yourself and move through this transition with self-compassion and resilience. Here are some practical strategies:

• Acknowledge the Transition
  Recognise that matrescence is a normal, expected phase of life. Just as puberty or menopause comes with mental and physical adjustments, so does becoming a mother. It’s okay to feel disoriented, overwhelmed, or even ambivalent. Embrace these feelings without guilt or judgment.

• Seek Out Connection
  Motherhood can feel isolating, so connecting with others on a similar journey can be invaluable. Join local or online support groups, talk to friends who understand, or participate in workshops for new mothers. Sharing your experiences can help normalise what you’re going through.

• Redefine Success
  During matrescence, the definition of a “successful” day may shift. Instead of focusing on productivity or achieving external goals, try setting smaller, more manageable milestones, such as taking a few moments for yourself, enjoying a quiet coffee, or going for a short walk. Small wins count.

• Practice Self-Compassion
  Matrescence requires immense self-compassion. Self-Compassion is giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others. But one that we so very often struggle to do. Acknowledge that you’re doing your best, even on difficult days. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the demands of caring for a newborn while adjusting to your new identity.

• Communicate with Loved Ones
  Let those around you know what you’re going through. Explain that this transition is challenging and that you may need extra support, whether that means help with daily tasks or emotional encouragement. When we are in the thick of change it can often we hard to communicate with those around us. However remember, it’s okay (and necessary) to ask for what you need.

• Embrace Both the Light and the Shadows
  Matrescence is full of joys and challenges, moments of deep love mixed with moments of frustration or loss. Allow yourself to feel all these emotions. By embracing both sides, you can move forward without the added burden of guilt or perfectionism.

Real-Life Example: The Power of Self-Compassion in Matrescence

One of my clients, Emma, a mother of two, had her first experience of matrescence with the birth of her son in 2022. Initially, she found joy in her new role, but as the months wore on, she felt increasingly out of touch and lost with who she was before motherhood. Instead of allowing herself to feel these emotions, she pushed them aside, focusing on her baby’s needs and suppressing her own. Eventually, over time, this lack of self-compassion led to overwhelm, and then to burnout, as she struggled to be a so called “perfect mum.”

When Emma became a mother again 2 years later, to a little girl, she made a conscious effort to approach matrescence differently. She felt more confident in herself and her needs.

She gave herself permission to grieve the parts of her former life that no longer fit and embraced the fact that it was normal to feel both gratitude and sadness. She reached out to others and spoke her truth.

She received 1:1 coaching, and linked in with other mums at the same stage as her through mum and baby classes. This also ensured she was connecting with others at least once a week. Through self-compassion, she acknowledged that it was okay to ask for help and that her needs were just as valid as her children’s.

She supported other new mums which helped her sense of purpose also. This shift helped Emma feel more grounded and allowed her to grow in her role as a mother without losing sight of her individuality.

Final Thoughts: Embracing the Journey

Matrescence is a journey of growth, just as much for the mother as for those around her. It’s a time when, with support, compassion, and understanding, a woman can emerge stronger and more attuned to herself. By recognising the impact of matrescence and embracing this journey wholeheartedly, we can help mothers like Aoife and Emma find balance in their new identities.

As we start acknowledging matrescence, we can better support ourselves and the mothers around us, fostering an environment where every woman feels empowered to grow and thrive in this new chapter.

Hi, I’m Anne O’Leary, an executive coach, postpartum doula, and mother of four. I work with individuals and employers to help parents integrate their work and life in a balanced way after they extend their family.

Whether you are heading back to work or back several months and would like support in navigating this transition, please feel free to get in touch to schedule a complimentary consultation here.